The Communist Infiltration of the Roman Catholic Church

The Communist Infiltration of the Roman Catholic Church

There is a third reason why Our Lord’s Revelations to Carmelite Sister Saint- Pierre seem to have a special application to our time. In 1847, Our Lord mentioned by name the Communists as “the enemies of the Church and of her Christ.” He also said that He would punish the world not through the elements, but rather through “the malice of revolutionary men.”

Over a hundred years later, we now live in a period when the malicious actions of these “revolutionary men” have a direct influence on the disfigurement of the Catholic religion, which is represented in the tortured Face of Christ.

Dr. Bella V. Dodd was a high-ranking Communist in the United States. She was Attorney General Designate of the Communist Party. Eventually, she returned to the Catholic Faith she had abandoned earlier in life. In the 1950s, however, after her conversion, she delivered numerous lectures about the successful Communist infiltration of religious institutions, and of the Catholic Church in particular.

She explained that in the 1930s and 40s, orders came from Communist headquarters to send radicals into the seminaries to subvert the Church from within. Communist agents started doing this all over the Western world. Bella Dodd said that she personally recruited over 1,000 young radicals to enter Catholic seminaries. And she was only one Communist.

Another ex-Communist, Mr. Manning Johnson, gave similar testimony. In 1953, to the House Un-American Activities Committee, he said:

“Once the tactic of infiltration of religious organizations was set by the Kremlin … The Communists discovered that the destruction of religion could proceed much faster through the infiltration of the Church by Communists operating within the Church itself.”

He then stated, “This policy of infiltrating seminaries was successful beyond even our Communist expectations.”

It is probably no coincidence that at the same time Mr. Johnson gave this testimony, the French Dominicans had become so Communistic in their orientation that in 1953, the Order barely escaped dissolution by command of Pope Pius XII.

Speaking of the infiltration of religious institutions in general, Manning Johnson explained: “… the major plot to take over religious organizations was really hatched during that particular period [1935], and the fact that the Communists in headlines in the Daily Worker can boast of 2,300 Protestant Ministers supporting them is the result of this plot that began in the thirties when I was a member of the Communist party.”

More testimony from Bella Dodd came from an eyewitness, an acquaintance of mine, now deceased, who actually heard Bella Dodd speak in the early 1950s.

Bella Dodd said that the Communists, at that point (1950s), had their men in the highest places in the Catholic Church. These men were working to bring about change so that the Church would no longer be effective against Communism. In the early 1950s, describing the changes that would take place in the future, Bella Dodd predicted “in 10 or 15 years, you will not recognize the Catholic Church.”

She explained that the tactic was to destroy not the institution of the Church, but rather the Faith of the people, and even to use the institution of the Church, if possible, to destroy the Faith through the promotion of a pseudo religion – something that resembles Catholicism, but is not quite the real thing.

Mrs. Dodd also claimed that the Communists were a driving force for the United Nations, and that the Communists owned the World Council of Churches “lock, stock and barrel.” This is especially noteworthy, since the World Council of Churches was a pioneer in “dialogue” and ecumenism. The WCC boasts that it is “the most nearly comprehensive instrument in the ecumenical movement in the world today.”

The time span indicated by Bella Dodd for the violent upheaval in the Church (“10 or 15 years” from the early 1950s) coincides precisely with the Vatican-Moscow Agreement.

On the eve of Vatican II, our Church leaders promised that they would not condemn Communism, in exchange for Russian Orthodox observers to attend the Council.

This Agreement also forms the basis for the Church’s Ostpolitik with Communist China and is also part of the new Vatican II approach of alleged “openness to the world,” rather than that of boldly confronting grave evils.

The result is what Bella Dodd predicted. The Catholic Church is no longer effective, or not nearly as effective, against Communism and other anti- Christ programs.

Bella Dodd’s prediction also coincides with the violent wave that hit the Church in the 1960s, due to the progressivism and ecumenism of the Second Vatican Council, which continues to disfigure our religion to this hour.

For these and other reasons, I think we may consider Our Lord’s revelations on Reparation to the Holy Face as a veiled prophecy of the present crisis of Faith. And practicing this devotion, I believe, is a special means of making reparation to Our Lord for the outrages He suffers in our time. It might, perhaps, even give us special graces to be faithful unto death to the traditional teaching and practice in the Church during this period of – in the words of Fatima’s Sister Lucy – “diabolic disorientation” of the upper hierarchy.

And even if this devotion does not give us these graces automatically, we can certainly ask for them in our prayers to the Holy Face. Our Lord has given us great hope in one of the Nine Promises:

“Nothing that you ask in making this offering [of His Holy Face] will be refused to you.”

To cap off this section on the present crisis in the Church, there is one last quotation from Our Lord of special relevance.

On February 13, 1848, in one of the final messages given to Sister Saint-Pierre, Our Lord made the urgent plea:

“The Church is threatened by a fearful tempest, pray, pray!”

The writers at the time interpreted this as a prediction of the suffering the Church underwent during the 19th Century revolutions in France and Italy. But in light of the above considerations, this prediction seems to apply even more to the ongoing crisis of Faith since the Second Vatican Council. Because indeed, the Church is now going through a “fearful tempest.” Even Pope Paul VI had to admit in 1972 that “the smoke of satan has entered the Church of God.”

Tragically, everything in the Church has become even more disfigured since Paul VI uttered these terrifying words.

From the book: The Revelations Of The Holy Face Of Jesus by John Vennari

The Sound Of God

Definition of failure

1a: omission of occurrence or performancespecifically : a failing to perform a duty or expected action

A Failure of a relationship

From the Merriam-Webster Dictionary


A failure of a relationship. When I first read that, I thought, ‘At this moment in my life, where do I have a failure of a relationship?’

After applying that question to myself, “Where do I have a failure of a relationship?” I saw myself flash in my mind. What a funny thought,’ I reflected – and then rejected.

Busying myself with house chores, I thought about playing an audiobook or listening to the news.

There came a point in my life when having just a little bit of noise, even if that was an instrumental song playing, was just too loud in that moment.

At the same time, God’s Gentle Nod, asking me to please take some time in silence, to learn the in-disposable wealth of silence.

“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature – trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence… We need silence to be able to touch souls.” – Saint Teresa of Calcutta


I remember feeling how overwhelmingly overwhelming that was going to be not having to listen to something. I thought, ‘What a waste of time this will be, being in silence.’

I remember the first few times, being in complete silence. I remember hearing things that I had never really heard before.

Hearing the way that the pipes sound as heat is distributed through them. The hum of the dishwasher and refrigerator.

I really heard my dogs breathing when they were sleeping. 

In time, silence has become my best friend. While the flesh always wants to be constantly entertained at all times, consistently wanting to bring streams of all pleasure to keep us on moving through the secular world, there is a calling for each one of us in the spiritual interior that God has called us all to. Perhaps you could call it the great banquet between you and the Holy Trinity. 

“I have yet many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth; for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.” – John 16:12-13

When we are invited to a friends home for dinner, that friend has taken time to think about the menu, shopping and then the execution of it. To picking flowers for the table, down to choosing the time that everyone will sit down to eat. Cleaning of the house and taking the time to get dressed and to serve, entertain and then clean. This all takes great effort … and why do we do this? We do this because we appreciate the people that we will be breaking bread with us around our table.

We must then believe that God created us to communicate with Him. There is a reason why silence is so beautiful, but yet so overwhelming at the same time. 

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: “By waiting and by calm you shall be saved, in quiet and in trust shall be your strength.” Isaiah 30:15. 

The most difficult thing about silence to me was just getting used to wanting to try and be in silence. And so I set apart three days a week where the radio, videos, TV, music, etc. was off. This was not an easy task to do because my flesh rebelled but it’s that feeling of rebellion that we need to work out of our lives.

In silence is where God and the intellect meet. Where contemplation deepens. It is where God is the easiest to listen to. We wonder where is He in times of crisis? How come we can’t hear Him? How come we can’t see Him in the events that are taking place in the world?

He is everywhere and in everything at all times – ever Omnipresent.

Silence starts with the will and want. Pray today to become closer to God in Silence.

Crayons To Pens

In prayer life, we all reach a point of spiritual dryness. Spiritual dryness will come and go throughout our walk with God. You will know when you are in spiritual dryness when you feel stagnant. Does this mean that you are growing away from God? No. Spiritual dryness is a sign of elevation within the Trinity. Like children, who color with crayons, they eventually will start to find an interest in markers and then the need for pen and pencil comes in – it is a continuous elevation of being with God in different ways. If we continuously write with crayons and markers, can you imagine that in the business world? People making out checks, signing contracts with crayons and markers? St. Paul writes, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” (109 1 Cor. 13:11)

On our journey with Jesus, we are to be continuously moving forward in our spiritual life, a continuous growth as we walk with God, daily. If you are in a state of spiritual dryness, keep going with it, knowing that God is seeing something more in you and He wants to elevate you in a spiritual way. The Holy Trinity is seeing something in you and wants to work in your life – within your intellect.

St. Philip Neri advises, “As a rule, people who aim at a spiritual life begin with the sweet and afterward pass on to the bitter. So now, away with all tepidity, off with that mask of yours, carry your cross, don’t leave it to carry you.”

Be grateful, celebrate, give Thanksgiving to our Lord for giving you spiritual dryness. For Jesus seeing something in you that He knows is ready to be pruned. Allow Jesus to prune you this Easter season let Him take off what is no longer good, what no longer works, what is now stagnant. Make room for Him to work in you.

Shadow Puppets

The way that the shadows played under the door, I could see that my favorite tree was gracefully dancing in the wind. The sunlight shot like a laser beam into the closet. “Hey, let’s play shadow puppets.” I whispered to my little brother. “Okay,” he said.

This time, his lips only turned a small shade of blue. My brother faced his head towards me and I made myself look into his eyes, holding my own grief so I could contain his. I remember looking at my mother and wondering if this time was it, would she kill him? She would always stop -before she would suffocate him.

Mom had bad days. Her children were the face of every single person that day that had hurt her, that had let her down, a family member, an argument with my Dad. My brother and I never knew when our turn was going to be for mom to release her anger. I always wondered when it would begin. Would we be able to have the comfort of the closet, would we be able to see the closet this time around? That was always my hope. Mom would always begin with me. I would lay down on the sofa and she would put a pillow over my face. She would then sit on top of me and she proceeded to suffocate me. I always turned my head to the wall facing away because I knew that my little brother was there in the hallway. I never wanted him to see my face. I never wanted him to see the fear and sometimes even the hope – that maybe I would die.

I remember times I would stop breathing and a comfort would come over me, it was this silence but there was also a comfort and when that comfort would come, all of a sudden my mother would get off of me and I would have to stand in the hallway as my little brother would walk past me with tears in his eyes. That was one thing about my brothers and I; if we cried, we would never make noise, tears would just come from our eyes and that’s how we learned how to cry – we learned to cry by making no noise – we knew as children that if there was ever a noise to escape us, the stakes were higher.

When the abuse would be over mom would make my brother and I go sit inside of the closet in the same room that the couch was. She would lock the closet door. Maybe she was afraid we would tell on her. I wondered if my brother was experiencing the same comfort that I had when I would see him begin to lose consciousness – that comforting peace when his lips would turn a different color. I wondered if maybe he would be able to leave this life and be safe away from her.

For the first few times, my brother and I would cry a little bit in the closet, but then, I wanted to make it a happier environment for him. I thought of some games that we liked to play and having just the light from underneath the door, it was enough light to be able to play shadow puppets. We never knew how much time had passed by. I would try and tell the time by the way that the shadows of the sun off of the leaves changed their position on the rug. I was learning about the sun in science and I had learned that during certain times of the day, the sun moves. There were a few times when we would meet dusk as Mom would unlock the closet door. Mom wouldn’t talk to us for a day after and my brother and I never once discussed it. Perhaps because we had so much time in the closet that we didn’t really have to speak and to speak would be an acknowledgment of each others reality. 

Years of abuse would happen before the above incidents and after the above incidents.

Being the only female out of four brothers, looking back, I was naturally inclined to be a mother like protector over my brothers. From a young age, cooking, cleaning, taking care of my brothers when my mom was not able to, became important to me. I wanted them to have some kind of normalcy, the normalcy I would see at my friends house when the mom and the daughter would be playing with the baby in the kitchen, when the brother and the sister were being silly and fighting, when the mom and the dad would just hug the kids because. Our parents weren’t able to give us what they didn’t have themselves. My dad was an alcoholic and my mother had major depression, severe Bipolarism, and severe PTSD . We were all living daily, playing Russian roulette with each other, knowing that my mother and my dad were the ones that held the guns and we never knew when the barrel would face us.

Being able to maintain a clean home, a cooked meal, laundry that was folded and an ear for them to listen to became my goal. I knew how to keep a clean home, cook, keep up with my studies and try to function the best that I possibly could.  I learned how to live life without feeling. I learned that as long as I could make everyone around me happy, I would have peace, and that was a terribly disoriented survival method that I learned when I was a child. If I could just please my mom, maybe she would not hold the dinner away from my brothers and I that I made. If I could just make my dad happy, maybe he would not stay out at the bar and he would come home and be with us so maybe mom would be happier.

My brothers and I never spoke about the abuse in our family to each other.

I knew the way that she was treating us was not right, and at the same time, I knew that she had to be ill in her mind to do what it is that she was doing to us and so I decided to protect her, instead of turning her in – and in protecting her over time, I was able to get my brothers away from my mother.

This is the first time ink has touched paper about this time in my life.

Writing this has been difficult because I have never confronted this time in my life as I have in this blog. I never come back to this place, but when God knocks on your door and He tells you that it’s time and you still wait years, I had to ask myself why. I want to be obedient to God, He is so good to me, why was I struggling so much for? In prayer, I met my mother, not in a physical way, but in a spiritual way, she told me that it was okay to share what happened and to walk in Faith as I have my entire life, even as a child. And I wanted her blessing to move forward – to speak about my childhood.

I feel that I need to end this blog by asking you to please not hate my mother. Because I love her. Living with an alcoholic for a father and a mother who had severe mental illness has made me a very empathetic person towards people. Because I know that God never planned His child’s life to go the way that my mothers life went. And I know that God never wanted me to almost meet my death several times by the woman He chose to be my mother. And so behind every person that is angry, behind every person that struggles in life, I see God in them even more and I want to be closer for them to see the beauty that God sees in them when they cannot see it in themselves.

My blog is named Reality Meets Faith because when your reality meets Faith, there is nothing that cannot be done. There is nothing that cannot be turned around. I am a living witness that you can go through hell and back several times and still come out standing by God’s side, knowing that He was there with you all along.

Journey to Truth

Driving down the road, I looked out the window to my right. Tall homes, a few stories high. Beautiful landscaping. Yellow daffodils, fuchsia colored azalea bushes and Pink Lady’s Slippers gracing the edging of a potted flower. A gentle breeze pushed a hidden wind chime to break the deafening silence of that car ride. Looking forward again I saw the social worker put her blinker on and she turned left. We turned into the driveway of a beautiful home.

Looking at the car door handle, I put three fingers through the handle as I pushed the car door open. Walking up to the front door, a middle-age woman in her 30s, opened the door. She was petite with blond hair and blue eyes.

I smiled at her, she smiled at me and invited me in. We walked through a small sitting room that led into a dining room with a long mahogany table that had a white lace cloth over the top.

All three of us spoke briefly in the dining room and then the social worker said goodbye.

Jayne brought me upstairs and showed me where my bedroom would be. In the bedroom was a vintage antique white bedroom set and a beautiful writing desk.The writing desk was my favorite piece. I put my suitcase on top of the bed and began to unpack.

As I was unpacking, I had hoped that I made the right decision, that day in school a few weeks earlier at the age of 14, when I told the school nurse that I could not live with my mother or my father due to abusive situations in both homes. I felt in that moment as I was holding a pair of jeans and a shirt that I was going to be wearing to my new school, that a floodgate of tears was going to open and that I may not stop crying. But that did not happen. I put on the solidified demeanor that I had to to get through the next moment.

As a child I learned how to not cry, I learned how to maintain my emotions, move on quickly from any situation and to deal with not dealing. You learn how to cry without crying.

Walking over to the white curtains, I ran my finger down the hem, feeling the material and appreciating the softness of the lace. The sun was shining through the intricately woven curtain, exposing just how vulnerable that the lace truly was. Looking out the window, I saw this beautiful massive tree that was in front of my window and that made me happy. Opening the window, I listened to hear that familiar sound of the wind awakening the sleepy leaves.

My bed was next to the window and the end of the bed was facing the window. I smiled at this because it reminded me of my childhood bed and when I would look out the window and sing to the stars at night. I would always crawl to the end of the bed, lay on my back, and look out the window up at the sky and as an adult, I still do that to this day to gaze at the stars (I haven’t sung to them in a long time) sitting up, I would look straight at the trees and be amazed at the sounds of the earth.

Perhaps God knew that I would need to see those stars.


“Melissa, I’m going down to the store to buy dinner, would you like to come with me?” Jayne asked. “Sure”, I said.

Getting into her car we drove through a town that my mind had not yet registered. It was beautiful with beautiful landscaping. Cape Cod offered that, that was one thing about the Cape, is that wherever you went you would find beautiful landscaping.

The sky looked like it was going to open. As Jayne pulled into the parking lot of Stop and Shop the sky did open and it began down-pouring. We ran into the store and we caught each other smiling through this crazy rain storm. In that moment, I didn’t realize how much I needed that smile, but as I sit here tonight, almost 30 years later, it was that smile that made me know Jayne was ordained by God in my life. We decided on having hamburgers on the grill, corn on the cob and potato salad.

Pulling out of the parking lot, the rain still coming down so hard, Jayne asked me if I would like to swing into her Church. I said okay.

We pulled into a humble parking lot with a humble Church that was all white. Jayne opened her door, I opened mine and we made a wild dash for the Church doors, trying to escape the heavy rain. As Jayne opened the Church door, she stepped in and I followed her. The Church was dark besides a small glowing light that was coming from by the Altar. The sound of the rain falling on the top of the Church was absolutely beautiful and still today, going into a Church when it is down pouring is a beautiful experience. I walked down the aisle to the front of the Altar with Jayne.

Jayne kneeled and then stood back up. She faced me as I faced her and she took my hands into her hands. She looked up at the Crucifix and I looked at the Crucifix and then I looked back to her. We recited the Our Father and I knew the prayer by sitting through so many AA meetings as a young child. The Hail Mary – Jayne taught me the Hail Mary. I remember looking at the statue of Our Blessed Mother Mary and smiling at Her when I had said that first Hail Mary.

In that Church, on that rainy day, at the age of 14, an unbreakable foundation was made in my spirit for the Holy Roman Catholic Church.

I was happy in my foster home, but my school situation was turning out to be like that of the other six schools that I had been in. Coming from an unstable childhood, with two unstable parents, we moved around a lot. I would make friends one school year and then six months later we were moving. I would come to make many acquaintances but I never had a long lasting friend and I was okay with that. Keeping people at an arms distance had become like breathing to me, it was normalcy. I had learned at a young age that investing in a friendship would become painful when I knew that the goodbyes were inevitable. And so throughout my life, library’s would become my best friends. I would find a book and head to a quite corner, because no matter which school I was in, there was always a library.

Over the next few weeks, Jayne would talk to me about God, Jesus, the Blessed Mother Mary, the Saints the Angels and the Holy Roman Catholic Church. I would learn how to pray the Rosary. The Rosary, the Blessed Mother Mary, was my comforting guide. My earthly mother was ill and not mentally or emotionally healthy, but here I was told that I have a Mother and She loves me. To find out that Our Blessed Mother loved me and I never gave Her a reason to love me, something changed in me that day, I didn’t have to prove myself to Her, I didn’t have to do something to make Her love me, She just loved me because She did and I had never had that before. And then She brought me to Her Son, and it was then – when I thought that there could be no love like Her Love – She walked me to Her Son and put my hand in His Hand and I have never known a Love like that to this day.

Part #3 to come.




God In Repurpose


God is present by His Essence everywhere and in all things by reason of His Immensity. (Creed of St. Athanasius; Council of Lateran, c. “Firmiter”; Vatican Council, Sess. III, c. i.) 

As I was taking laundry out of the dryer today I reached down to clean the lint tray. Having learned a trick to get the lint that stays on the side of the lint tray off, I grabbed the lint after cleaning it from the tray and used that lint to remove any remainder lint. When I first learned of this, ‘easier than using my fingers’ method, fascination is the only word I could find. God repurposed lint – to pick -up- lint. I changed out the laundry and picked up the full laundry basket to go upstairs.

Its funny as to how – at moments, when an orchestra can be heard in the most unlooked-for places. There in my own basement today, was the soft hum of the dryer, the wood furnace stove with the dying fire, the quite Radon machine fan (a surprising acknowledgement seems fit, as it captures the sound of sleep for me), the refrigerator and deep freezer on the other side of the basement all had a reflection of God in energy and energy in God – reciprocating one to One just as the Trinity imparts awareness to each soul – even sound is important to God and when you listen, God is everywhere. He truly is Omnipresent.

When He created us, He thought of every detail that we would see at every moment.

Do we realize the intensity of the meaning of the word detail?

Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? – Psalm 139:7

God has given us trees. Thousands of different kinds of trees. Trees to look at, trees to give us shade, trees that give us fruits and nuts, trees that bloom in the Spring and die in the Autumn. The grand last prayer of a tree is the changing of health to death in the exploding colors of yellows and the passions of reds to the humbleness of brown before the first snow falls.

… then the bare trees, that in the Winter – are silhouetted reflections over the snow covered land. God thought about the detailed death of a tree and then after that death He provides heat for warmth and fire to cook by to sustain us. We have paper to write on and the ambiance of a dancing fire on a cold Winters night by the fireplace or a bonfire on the beach to enjoy the people God has blessed us with. When the fire reaches its death, the softly glowing embers bring serenity, peace and fascination. There is life then in death.

You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever. – Psalm 16:11

A simple rock, God thought about rocks. To us, we see a rock and walk by it. That rock, at one point, was part of the Earth, it is part of God’s Plan and if we truly believe God is Omnipresent then He is in everything.

The slow decline of a mountain, a rock after being tumbled by the ocean becomes sand for our toes to sink into the sand. Have you thought about the way that sand feels on your feet? God did, He thought about your enjoyment. We use rocks to decorate the fronts of homes and use them as walls, making mortar out of crushed rocks to hold our homes together. Do we think about these things and do we thank God for the detail He puts into everything for us?

Thank Our Creator by taking moments to see what He did for us in the things we see everyday but heed not enough attention to.



“But will God indeed dwell on the earth? Behold, heaven and the highest heaven cannot contain You, how much less this house which I have built! – 1 Kings 8:27

Gods Presence

Deuteronomy 33:27 The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. 

In contemplation recently – a realization, an uncovering was made to me by God of all of the times that I had questioned His Presence.

Questioning God is not something that has happened in the past few years, but there were times when I thought my faith was so rocksolid, so definitively sound, I thought nothing could ever rock my world so much that I would say after the incident, “Where were You?” You know, in those times, it really did bother me a lot – to know that I was questioning again, His Reality, like I did when I was a child.

Isaiah 30:15 In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.

We have all had those critical moments in life where we are either on the edge, at a crossroad, or going into a place of desolation – wondering, where was He in that moment and if He loved me, why would He allow something to happen that would forever change the reality of life?

Isaiah 43:1 “Don’t fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine.”

As we age, along comes wisdom, understanding and knowing Him in Truth. And so coming from a different place, a healthier spiritual place, I was thinking about those incidences in my life …

* Where was God, when I cried myself to sleep, listening to my parents fight at night?

God was in the wind, outside of my window and He was in the trees, that gentle sound of the wind, just hitting the leaves to start a beautiful harmony that would comfort me – amidst the screaming. There was not one time that I did not end up falling asleep listening to the sound of the wind in the trees.

* Where was God, when I was living in a car and sleeping in shelters with my mother? Did He not care about me and my mom?

God was in the warmth of the comfortable bed that I had that evening. He was in the smiles of the volunteers at the shelters that made me feel like I was a human being. I saw God in the woman that hugged my mother and told her it would be okay.

* Where was God when I was being physically abused by my mother, leaving bruises on only the hidden parts that people could not see on my body?

God was there that day in school, when He told me to go see my school nurse, because the next time I may not make it out alive.

* Where was God when I did what it is that He asked me to do in school that day and I was then sitting in the office?

God was there when I was asked if I wanted to go live with my dad, I felt that brave surge, which I now know is the Holy Spirit, guiding me to say that I did not want to go with either one of my parents – that I chose a foster home instead. 

* Where was God when I would go to the foster home and I felt so alone and so unsure and was asking myself, “What did I just do?”

God was there, in the woman that He chose for me, would ultimately bring me to Him and to the Blessed Mother Mary. Jesus brought me to someone who would forever change my life.

* Where was God, the night that an adult man held a knife to my neck as a teenager and took my innocence away?

God was there, He was there on the way that the light was reflecting on the wall. The way that the trees played off of the light, it brought me to a different place for that moment, a place where I felt the Presence of God without knowing it was Him in that moment. God was there in the courtroom when the judge had compassionate eyes and made me feel safe to testify.

If we all stop and really assess some of the most defining moments in our life, we will see that God was there in each one of those moments.

Why doesn’t He stop things from happening? Because God has given all of us a free will.

What Jesus will do, is if each one of us is willing to take our crosses and to unite them with His Cross, with His Suffering, He will turn our tragedies around to help one of our fellow brothers and or sisters that have gone through something like what we have. This is the ultimate goal in life, is to help another fellow soul get through some hard time by showing that you are a survivor and you came out on the other side even better than when you went in.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 – And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Gods Ordained In Marriage


Each morning I would walk down to Saint Anthonys Church by myself where I lived at the age of 16 and would attend the 8 o’clock morning Mass.

It was and still is something that I enjoy to do, going into the Church when nobody is there. I would often talk to God before Mass would begin. Kneeling in the front pew, some of those conversations would be about my future vocation.

I wanted to live my life as a Bride Of Christ, a cloistered Nun. Two years before, I had met with my Parish Priest and told him that I wanted to live my life as a Nun and he told me to come back when I was 18 because that Gods Plans were not yet revealed to me. I remember feeling a crushing pain in my chest not thinking I was good enough.  If that would not happen, I wanted to serve in the Missions.

I wanted in some way to be able to serve God.

As a child, I was different. I knew I was different because a lot of the things that my friends liked, were things that I was never interested in. I was drawn more into nature, into solitude as a child. I remember when the Springtime would arrive and the ant hills would form. I was fascinated with ants as a child. I was fascinated at how little they were and the kind of workforce that they were.  There was so much new adventure everyday to be had outside. Nature was my best friend and that’s where I would naturally gravitate towards.

I was not antisocial, as I had a lot of acquaintances and I had a few good friends. I was outgoing, but when I had the chance to be by myself, I would choose to be alone.

I remember one time, I was around eight and one of my ant friends looked tired and hurt and so I made him a little cardboard box that I found downstairs in my basement and I put a soda cap of water in there with some leaves, some grass, just a little something to make sure that the ant would be really comfortable. I took care of that ant and released it. Whether I caused more harm than good to that little ant, I will never know, but taking care of that little life, was fulfilling.

When my friends and I became teenagers they would talk about getting married and having children and I always remember feeling the awkward one out because I didn’t feel those things. I never once even dreamt about a wedding dress or a cute home. I was determined to change the world at that age, in my own way, and that all started by me taking care of a baby ant. While most girls would take care of their baby dolls I was taking care of ants.

I was never planning on even having children because I wanted to serve only God; I never saw marriage as a vocation. When you are young, you see the world in a very different way. I did not witness a healthy marriage growing up between my own two parents. 

With no apparent answer coming in sight from God, I continued on with my daily life of walking back-and-forth to the two jobs that I had. One of those was retail and the other was working at a hotel. I was very self-sufficient even as a teenager and I always financially took care of myself, I never asked money from my parents, friends or family. Being seventeen and having no car, I would walk to do my laundry and food shopping.

During those walks, some of them being many miles, I had a lot of alone time with God. I was not in the age of electronics and cell phones were much too expensive for many to own.

The best part of those walks would have to be walking past the ocean. Living on Cape Cod there was always something beautiful to see.

 Jeremiah 29:11 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Two weeks later, God would have it that I would meet my future husband. 

Our first date was to Martha’s Vineyard. It was a wonderful time and we ended the date with having Ice cream. When he went to bring me home, we had forgotten that we had accidentally locked the keys to the car and it was so funny. We had to have the gentleman who was keeping an eye on the gates help us to get our car keys out of the car. It was a memorable and funny first date.

God saw that the relationship was good. We would go on to have two children and at the age of 32, I was no longer able to have children due to stage four Endometriosis. I already had two operations prior due to the Endometriosis.

I was told by a Boston GYN specialist that my case of endometriosis was the most severe that he had seen clinically since he had been an obstetrician. He was two years away from retirement when he took on my case.  The fact that my husband and I were able to even conceive children was a blessing and we both know that and are so grateful to God. Because many women in my situation are not able to have children and many of those women are in my own family, due to them having endometriosis.

Mark 10:9:
 “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Being so young, Joey and I did not know much about life. And I think the wonderful thing about that, is growing up together and learning about life together, being the same age and being able to experience the hard times, the good times, the births of our children, it has all been a journey that we have been on with God. Our journey is very unique and different from any other marriage.

My husband and I are both hard workers and we have always provided for our family.

Psalm 119:1-8

 You’re blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God. You’re blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him. That’s right – you don’t go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set. You, God, prescribed the right way to live; now you expect us to live it. Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set; Then I’d never have any regrets in comparing my life with your counsel. I thank you for speaking straight from your heart; I learn the pattern of your righteous ways. I’m going to do what you tell me to do; don’t ever walk off and leave me.

A crisis would hit our marriage when we were in our early 30s (to be written in a future blog) I look back now and I realized that if it was not for this crisis, and the way that God had His Hand over our marriage, we still would’ve been going down the same exact path today and we most certainly probably would’ve been divorced.

It was a journey that we both would walk, fall, stumble and we still stumble – almost 30 years later etc. to a healthier future, being guided by the hands of God.

My husband and I told each other that one day, we would share our story about our marriage as we know that people need to hear about young couples who are still together in-spite of major crisis.

If our tragedies can be turned into triumphs and can help one marriage stay together – when perhaps it was going to end in divorce – then everything we have ever been through in our marriage was worth all of the pain and suffering.

… more to come

Chocolate Chips

Yesterday I made some chocolate chip muffins, (extra chocolate chips) and as I was putting the chocolate chips into the flour I tasted one. I’ve tasted chocolate chips, hundreds of times. I’ve never stopped and noticed in that moment what chocolate really tastes like and how God made it taste a particular way for our palate.

How many of us have had a chocolate chip cookie? A chocolate chip muffin? Just grabbed a handful of chocolate chips and tossed them into our mouth? Have you ever stopped and thought, and said, “Wow God, You know thank You for that, thank you for this wonderful taste, thank You that chocolate is so amazing and it’s celebrated throughout the world, through so many wonderful occasions.”

If chocolate chips can be forgotten about, how many other things in this life are we not thanking God for? Are we thanking Him for the beautiful sunsets and sunrises? Many of us take them for advantage.

Life is a set of moments and while we will not be able to capture every one, let’s start by doing our own part and say thank You for any and everything that you never said thank You for. It helps us to become better people, it helps us to appreciate the little things, like the smile on a child’s face, an elderly person, having so much confidence in being able to walk and witnessing that smile that they thought nobody saw – thank God for moments like that too.

Be appreciative on purpose. 

Our Priests

Our Priests are not dispensary machines.

I think as laypeople, it becomes very easy to think of our Priests as available 24/7.

It seems like it doesn’t matter if they have enjoyments and that God has given to them gifts – that He wants them to aspire.

When you see a Priest – you see Jesus – and also a human being.

May we remember the two-in-one and the one-in-two. There is a purposeful, beautiful difference.

Encourage a Priest to find time to discover and take rest in the Lord.