Holding On

Being different is hard, especially in the world we live in today. Being different when you are still not sure of your own reality, is a little bit harder.

“Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ.” -St. Jerome

Saint Jerome said it perfectly, “Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ.” For some who were not raised in a traditional Roman Catholic household, it is understandable why family and friends scratch their head when they see a family member who is completely opposite from them – the one who is traditionally seen as the black sheep of the family.

Being different, but being different in a way that should be a good thing, is becoming rear.

 “But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

Are you different from your family? Did you ever feel like there was something wrong with you because you didn’t fit in to what their perception of you should be?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, know that there are many black sheep’s in your grazing meadow. You are not alone, even though you may feel that you are at times. It will be during these times that you will find God, and if you already know God, you will have a deeper understanding of God. Not every step back, every grievance, every tear that you have had means that you have a bad hand in life.

God will use these setbacks to fulfill His Vision for your life.

Satan Never Attacks the Same Way Twice

The past 24 hours has reminded me of walking in the desert with the Israelites. In my life, Satan never attacks me the same way twice. The closer I get to God, Satans attack’s are different than they were years ago. My walk with God began when I was 15. I thought I knew Satans attacks and when to be careful to not fall into his trap.

Like how God meets us where we are, Satan knows where God is meeting us and stands at the fork in the road. Gods Grace enlightened me this morning in the midst of silence about the attack from Satan. He told me He allowed it and Satan wanted me to fall, that Satan wants me badly and to be vigilant.

If you are under attack, you may not even know, if you are feeling at odds with yourself, ask God to reveal what is going on.

Your prayers helped me tremendously. Intercessory prayer is one of the main must haves in life, in more than one way.

January 24, 2016

I awoke this morning and laid in bed. I haven’t been in a good place for a few days and my Faith has been tested. I asked God what more can I do. I immediately saw Simon helping Jesus carry His Cross. Jesus kept dropping the cross He was carrying, the cross He was to be crucified on. Simon stepped out of from the crowd and helped Jesus. Simon took part of the suffering of Jesus.

I felt a sudden peace come over my whole body. I felt God tell me to partake in her suffering. To help her in the only way that I can. I will be there for her just as Simon was there for Jesus. I cannot pray this cross away. This is something that she must go through. God showed me her healthy, in Heaven and assured me that when her time on earth is over that she will be walking the Emerald streets in Heaven. (Revelation 21:1)

Today, from now on, I promise that I will have a happy heart, I will remember the promise that God put into my heart this morning. I will keep that vision of my Mother healthy in body and mind. She was born into tragedy and now she’s dying a tragic death. Her life has never been easy, from the moment that she was born. One day, I will share her life story and it will have a happy ending ❤️ I love you so much Mom ❤️ We will carry this cross together. I promise you. ❤️

Redemptive Suffering

As iron is fashioned by fire and on the anvil, so in the fire of suffering and under the weight of trials, our souls receive that form which our Lord desires them to have.

–St. Madeline Sophie Barat

“What do you mean that you are going to offer up your sufferings for the souls in Purgatory and the people that are here on earth? ”

The above statement is a question that I get asked. My answer to the question always is, “I do not believe in letting any kind of suffering go in vain. “

So, how can your suffering help another person on our shared earth? It starts with you wanting to let your pain, hurt, insults and whatever else is going on at this time in your life – for the better of another.

Do you believe, that there is a payoff from holding onto your hurts?

If God gives you an abundant harvest of trials, it is a sign of great holiness which He desires you to attain. Do you want to become a great saint? Ask God to send you many sufferings. The flame of Divine Love never rises higher than when fed with the wood of the Cross, which the infinite charity of the Savior used to finish His sacrifice. All the pleasures of the world are nothing compared with the sweetness found in the gall and vinegar offered to Jesus Christ. That is, hard and painful things endured for Jesus Christ and with Jesus Christ.

–Saint Ignatius of Loyola

The most unselfish thing that any one of us can do, is to let go of our hurts. We hold onto them, because in reality, we get something from holding on to the hurt, isn’t that true? What is it that we get from holding onto it? Why would we not just let it go when we know how we feel every time we think about it? Maybe perhaps it is because it is a protective barrier that we put around ourselves, an excuse to not speak to the person, or to confront the situation that has caused us grief. Change is always painful and it comes down to this, you can either decide to stay in the current state that you are- mentally, emotionally and especially spiritually, or you can take that dive and give up all of your hurts and angers; give them to God. Offer it as a sacrifice for the person that made you feel this way. If anyone needs help, it is the person that hurt you.

Prayer for finding Peace 🕊

Dear God, I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I feel like so much of my life has been spent on going back in my mind, about the hurts that have been done to me. I do want to move on and it is not that I am forgetting that they hurt me, it is that I am choosing happiness for myself, instead. Please help me during this time in my life and in all other times. I choose to forgive for myself and for You. Amen.

Offer up your hurts for the better of another person. Never let your suffering go in vain, any kind of suffering, even the suffering that you see as you watch the evening news, God will take those sufferings that you have and will use them for the good of another person. You must leave them at the Foot of the Cross. There is no other way.

When Family Walks Away

“Teach us to give and not count the cost. ” St. Ignatius de Loyola

I am the only girl out of four brothers. I am the third oldest. I came from a divorced, dysfunctional family.

At the age of 14, I told the school nurse that I would not live with either one of my parents. She asked me if there was other family. I told her no. It came down to my own decision of putting myself into foster care. The events that led up to the decision of placing myself into the foster care system, perhaps at one point, I will write about that.

I look back now and I see that being at such a young age of 14, it was a very adult decision to make. It was only by the Grace of God that I made that decision.

While I knew of God and was Baptized as a child into the Roman Catholic Church, that was as far as my up bringing with God went.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” Jeremiah 29:11

God would have it that I would meet a wonderful woman and this woman would forever change the course of my life through God, Jesus and Our Blessed Mother Mary.

Fast-forward to 30+ years later, I am a mother of two adult sons, a wife for 25+ years, a daughter, a sister, a fur mommy to two Boston Terriers (my girls 😊) and I think out of all of these, being a daughter to God is my greatest accomplishment, a work in progress, never ending, alway trying to improve.

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. – Galatians 1:10

I think the hardest thing for anyone to accept is the emotional and mental attack’s from family.

When we think about family, we see unconditional love, acceptance, hope, trustworthy, a safe place; for me, this is what my understanding of what family was supposed to be.

With time, time brings healing to everything. I am at a place in my life now that happiness is truly within, and, I have a great peace. Make the decision today or at least- consider – to stop seeing yourself through somebody else’s eyes. The only Sets of Eyes that you should ever be trying to get approval from, is that of God and Jesus.

When Praying Is Hard

Each Hail Mary on the Rosary, when it is prayed for sinners now, and at the hour of our death, is going to help that soul, right then and there. This is why Padre Pio has said that the Rosary is the ‘weapon of our times.’

I love the Blessed Mother very much. She is the Mother of Jesus, our Savior. I hand make artisan Rosaries and have made hundreds, yet, praying the Rosary, is one of the most hardest prayers for me to recite. Not because the Rosary is hard to understand – it is the prayer that takes the longest to say. I remember feeling tremendous guilt for feeling this way.

It is amazing how we hear exactly what we need to hear to be able to help us through a rough patch. I was listening to EWTN, Women of Grace. Joanne had explained how she was saying a Rosary in the midst of traffic. The day was 9/11. Every moment that she said a Hail Mary, while she did not realize it, she was helping somebody at that very moment that was slowly dying or perishing during the 9/11 attacks.

Sometimes, when we struggle with prayer, we need to remember that we are helping somebody else out if we will just endure. A person, ourselves and our salvation. It is good to always remember, when we can, that every Hail Mary, every Glory Be, every Our Father, is helping another soul that is in need.

We need to keep the Faith and keep moving forward.

I am afraid of feeling grief, afraid of sadness. Profound Effect of Music

I must not be the only one out there that decides to not listen to music with words in it. At least, not as a first choice. I prefer a good instrumental playlist over one with words. Music has such a profound effect on a person. And if you’re not emotionally strong, it can definitely break you.

I remember going through a period of enjoying music in my teens, my 20s, and then my 30s rolled around and when life events began to take place in my late 20s, I would find myself having playlists with songs that would just bring me to a dark place. The more I listened to the music, the worst that I would feel.

Have you ever sought out lyrics to just find a song that would match your mood? I’m pretty sure that we all have.

My earliest memories of music go back to Christmas. I love Christmas music and that is one of the only genres of music that I listen to that have words in it. I love the music of the Roman Catholic Church, especially Gregorian Chant.

Thinking back, to where it is that music began to have a hold on me, my earliest memory, would be my mother and I, each grabbing a brush and she would put Barbra Streisand albums on. My mother loved Barbara. She would be Barbra and I would be whoever was singing duet with Barbra Streisand. We would look at each other and dance around the kitchen table, laughing, giggling, music had a profound affect.

My dad is a Moody Blues guy. As we would head up to go camping in the White Mountains, every single summer, on the drive up there, Dad would always be playing a Moody blues cassette. I memorized every single one of those songs. Nights in White satin, is one that I love. I don’t know why I loved it at the time and I still don’t know why I do today.

As a child, at night, my bed was next to the window and I used to open the window on a beautiful summers night and I always remember hearing the trees, the way that the leaves would sound in the trees, this is still, today one of my favorite sounds. I would Sing to the trees, I would sing to the night, very softly, and it would never be a song that I had ever heard, it would just be lyrics that would be coming from my heart. I don’t recollect many of them, besides me telling the moon how beautiful that I thought it was and how grateful I was that the stars lit up the sky at night so I could see the trees, see the leaves that would be swaying their nightly lullaby.

In my teen years, I was very much into the pop rock scene. In my late teens into my 20s I went back to loving all of the 70s music that I was brought up on and still yet, it would invoke so much emotion, so much to the point that I almost began to feel beside myself – becoming emotional by the memories that were being brought back – from the situations in life.

Music, is so beautiful and amazing but it can also have a very profound and depressive state. And if you let yourself get into that kind of a mode, you are setting yourself up for feeling the way that you are feeling, that’s what it really comes down to in the end.

In my 30s and in my early 40s, where I am now, I have come to love instrumental music. There are times that I will still listen to some 70s music but there is such peace and beauty in instrumental music. Perhaps it’s because that emotional state is not there and I’ve come to realize that what I thought was an avoidance problem, was a smart decision to not be wrapped up in any kind of entity that will cause an emotional downfall. None of us need that. And such is the power of music.

So, if you find yourself, listening to music that is bringing you to places where you have already walked away from, make that decision, to either turn it off and find something different that is going to soothe your soul or you can decide to stay in the state of depression, in the state of constantly going back to those issues in your life that you left behind.