A 12 year old Atheist

I walked into my dad’s bedroom to grab something and laying on top of his dresser was the divorce papers.  I remember looking at the paper and seeing that the divorce was final. In a way, I cannot say that I was too sad. 

The fights, the late night arguments were over.

During this time, between the ages of 12 and 13, I found some new friends in my school, people that I had already known, but a little bit of a different crowd. Hanging out and talking, I remember during one of those conversations, one of my friends asked me how everything was going and I told her about my parents divorce being finalized. She said that she was sorry and some of my other friends that were there said the same. I told them that it was fine and that I know that God had a plan. Why I said that at that age, after the way that I was feeling, I do not know, but I do know that in each one of us, whether we know it or not, whether we believe it or not, God is there and there are some things that you cannot shake, no matter how hard that you try.

It was at that defining moment that I did not realize what would happen within that conversation. My friends began to ask me that if there was a God, where was He with so many bad things happening in the world, where was He when I had asked the arguing to stop with my parents?

I remember going home that night and thinking about those questions and then thinking about my childhood. Was He really there for me?

It was that night, in my little, unknowledgeable and simple way that I said, “Well God, if you don’t love me, how can I love you? My friends are right, you can’t exist. Look at these wars in the world, look at my life. How can you be real?”

During that time, I never knew God in the close personal way that I do today. What I knew of Him was that He existed and I knew that He was the creator of the world.

I was Baptized as a Roman Catholic when I was only a few months old. My family was never active in the Church. There was only a handful of times when we would go to Church and it was only Mom and us when we would go to visit Nana.

We never spoke of Jesus in our home but I would always see a picture of Jesus hanging up. My mother always had one above her bed. I would go to my mom’s bed just to sit and to look into the eyes of Jesus. Somethings so comforting to me and something that I still do today.

When my peers said, “how can God be real, he’s not real to us, where is he?” I remember feeling very indifferent to what it is that they were saying because when I looked into the eyes of Jesus Christ, in that photo hanging above moms bed, I knew what I felt was real. Being such a tender age and being at the age that I was changing in so many different ways and dealing with some other heavy issues in my life during that time, I see were Satan was trying to trap me. Because if he can get you when you’re young, that’s where he can try and take hold of you. All that he needs is that little doubt.

But don’t we all have that?

How many of us have doubted the truth of Gods existence when things in our life went down? Everyone may not have come out and said that they were an Atheist, but some of us have. Some of our crosses were that heavy – that to even think that God could be around and not help, was nonsensical.

At the age of 15 years old, God would have it that I would walk to the front Alter of a Roman Catholic Church, one stormy afternoon. A future blog to come about the journey to Truth.

How did I come back from this? I came back from this through the Blessed Mother Mary. I will write about that at another time, in another blog. But during that time of me being a self-proclaimed Atheist, Jesus had His Eyes on me.

I never picked up a book or ever studied Atheism but in my heart I was sad to know that God left me. Even during that time, I would still always go to stare at that picture hanging above moms bed.

While I knew of the Blessed Mother Mary, I thought she was just a woman that was someone who gave birth to a little boy and that little boy was really important and that’s all that I knew of our Blessed Mother at that time.

I went to Confession when I was in my 20s and I remember my Confession to the Priest about me being an Atheist for several years. What I learned is this is when most people fall in life, they fall in their teenage years because this is where they are most susceptible. And this is where the beautiful innocence of children can be had.

Almost always, the influence is done by our peers. In many other cases, it is because of a violation by an adult. I had my peers on one side talking in my ear and on the other side – an abusive home.

I have been wanting to write about this for so many years and as of late, God has been working on my heart about this.

When I found myself having a hard time writing about this, I went into prayer. I asked God, “why am I having a hard time writing about this? “God told my heart, “because you lack humility. ”

I was very taken aback by Gods Response. When I spent time in prayer with Him, in front of the Blessed Sacrament, what I discovered was this about myself, is that because I live, in a way, a public ministry life that spreads the word of Jesus Christ, Blessed Mother Mary, the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church – how would people look at me if I did come out and say that for several years as a child, I was an Atheist?

My husband knew, my children knew about this, I was honest with them because I wanted to let them know, that listen, when you’re in school, don’t be surprised if things start to happen – if you start to feel a certain way about God, come to mom and dad, but always, go to Jesus Christ – into a dialogue with Him so you can keep your mind and your heart set and straight in His Truths.

I sat down, opened my laptop and here is the end result.

If it is somebody who is struggling and thinking, how can I go back to God when I denied Him? Am I even worthy anymore? I was there before and I know how that feels and I can only tell you this, go to Confession, go in front of the Blessed Sacrament.

Know that you’ve been forgiven and live in Him today.

Everything in life is a stepping stone to bring us closer to Jesus.

Sister Saint-Pierre

For our final considerations, we will discuss how Sister Saint-Pierre served as a precursor and foundation to Our Lady’s visitations at Fatima. For the sake of brevity, we limit our focus to three points.

First: Our Lord [to Sister Saint-Pierre] and Our Lady of Fatima both warned of the need for prayer and penance for the salvation of souls.

Our Lord showed Sister Saint-Pierre “the multitude of souls falling into Hell “and told her to “pray -fervently” for their conversion. He gave her the Golden Arrow prayer, pledging it as a “torrent of grace” for sinners.

Likewise, Our Lady of Fatima showed the children the vision of Hell. Likewise, Our Lady of Fatima showed the children the vision of Hell. She then said: “You have seen Hell where the souls of poor sinners go. To save them, God wishes to establish in the world devotion to My Immaculate Heart.”

From the book: Revelations Of The Holy Face Of Jesus by John Vennari

Smoke Of Satan

Bella Dodd’s prediction also coincides with the violent wave that hit the Church in the 1960s, due to the progressivism and ecumenism of the Second Vatican Council, which continues to disfigure our religion to this hour. For these and other reasons, I think we may consider Our Lord’s revelations on Reparation to the Holy Face as a veiled prophecy of the present crisis of Faith. And practicing this devotion, I believe, is a special means of making reparation to Our Lord for the outrages He suffers in our time. It might, perhaps, even give us special graces to be faithful unto death to the traditional teaching and practice in the Church during this period of – in the words of Fatima’s Sister Lucy – “diabolic disorientation” of the upper hierarchy. And even if this devotion does not give us these graces automatically, we can certainly ask for them in our prayers to the Holy Face. Our Lord has given us great hope in one of the Nine Promises:

“Nothing that you ask in making this offering [of His Holy Face] will be refused to you.”

To cap off this section on the present crisis in the Church, there is one last quotation from Our Lord of special relevance.

On February 13, 1848, in one of the final messages given to Sister Saint-Pierre, Our Lord made the urgent plea: “The Church is threatened by a fearful tempest, pray, pray!”

The writers at the time interpreted this as a prediction of the suffering the Church underwent during the 19th Century revolutions in France and Italy. But in light of the above considerations, this prediction seems to apply even more to the ongoing crisis of Faith since the Second Vatican Council. Because indeed, the Church is now going through a “fearful tempest.”

Even Pope Paul VI had to admit in 1972 that “the smoke of satan has entered the Church of God.”

Tragically, everything in the Church has become even more disfigured since Paul VI uttered these terrifying words.

From the book: The Revelations Of The Holy Face Of Jesus

Many Remain Fixed in Misleading, Historically Conditioned Interpretations of Our Lady’s Words

Many Remain Fixed in Misleading, Historically Conditioned Interpretations of Our Lady’s Words

Interpreting the Message in this fashion has led to the tendentious and dogmatized belief that the matters dealt with in the Message and most specifically what is dealt with in the July 13 Secret are matters that, as Cardinal Sodano maintained, “seem to pertain to the past.“ One wonders if he was gazing into a crystal ball when the thought struck him, since such a blunt statement at that would require definite knowledge of future events, yet Cardinal Sodano has never claimed any special prophetic gift. This sort of arbitrary and overly simplistic understanding of the terms and the false conclusion they led to, might have been justified if the errors of Marxist- Leninist Russia had somehow risen from a pipe directly from the pit of Hell straight up into the Bolshevist headquarters in Moscow, only to be brought to an abrupt end with the implosion of the Soviet Union in 1991.

But the Soviet. It did not come into being and subsequently end in such a simple manner.

The Fatima Crusader

Summer 2011

Our Lady Spoke Of “Russia’s Errors” Not Just One Error

Our Lady Spoke Of “Russia’s Errors” Not Just One Error

On Friday, July 13, 1917, Our Lady Fatima revealed that if Her requests are fufilled then Russia will be converted and there will be peace. On the other hand, if Her requests are not fulfilled, then there will be war, famine and persecution of the Church – there will be martyrdom, persecution of the Pope and the annihilation of nations. It is especially important that the words spoken by Our Lady be understood in a manner that is not circumscribed according to a historically restricted frame of mind that existed during the Soviet period of the Twentieth Century. Our Lady never spoke of `atheistic Communism’ or the `Soviet Union’; yet since during the Soviet period and especially during the Cold War the expression ‘errors of Russia’ was narrowly interpreted to mean ‘atheistic Communism’ and `Russia’ was interpreted as strictly denoting do union of Soviet Socialist Republics, these historically conditioned interpretations continue to stubbornly remain fixed in the minds of many who have attempted to understand what Our Lady meant by the term ‘errors of Russia’.

The Fatima Crusader

Issue 99

Fatima.org

Useful Reflections On Why God Wants Specifically Russia Consecrated

Useful Reflections On Why God Wants Specifically Russia Consecrated

Before we examine the question of whether or not the Consecration of Russia has been validly performed in the manner specifically requested by Our Lady, and pointing out the fallacies in the arguments of those who contend that it has been performed, it will be useful to examine why it is that Our Lady requests specifically the Consecration of Russia and not the whole world or some other nation that on the surface and from a spatially and temporarily circumscribed perspective may appear to be more in need of such a consecration.

From the moral perspective this question can really only be examined speculatively, since it would be presumptuous and hypocritical for anyone to require God and Our Lady to justify and explain, as a basis and prerequisite for obedience, why They are making this specific request. Such behavior would be analogous to that of a child who would refuse to obey the command of a parent unless the parent would provide a satisfactory explanation to the child why it is being so commanded.

That would be an attitude of rebellion, insubordination and disobedience. Just as parents usually respond to such insubordinate demands of their children for explanations to the question “Why? “By saying: “Because I said so! “, so likewise God, whose authority is infinitely more offended by such rebellious insubordination, has declined to provide any more information than is needed for the pastors of the Church to reasonably obey and carry out the requested Consecration of Russia with a sufficiently informed conscience. Nevertheless, it is useful for our understanding to examine the question.

Fatima Crusader

Summer 2011

Issue 99

Lock, Stock and Barrel

More testimony from Bella Dodd came from an eye witness, an acquaintance of mine, now deceased, who actually heard Bella Dodd speak in the early 1950s.

Bella Dodd said that the Communists, at that point (1950s), had their men in the highest places in the Catholic Church. These men were working to bring about change so that the Church would no longer be effective against Communism. In the early 1950s, describing the changes that would take place in the future, Bella Dodd predicted “in 10 or 15 years, you will not recognize the Catholic Church. “

She explained that the tactic was to destroy not the institution of the Church, but rather the Faith of the people, and to even use the institution of the Church, if possible, to destroy the Faith through the promotion of a pseudo religion – something that resembles Catholicism, but is not quite the real thing.

Mrs. Dodd also claimed that the Communists were a driving force for the United Nations, and that the Communist owned the World Council Of Churches “lock, stock and barrel.” This is especially noteworthy since the world Council of Churches was a pioneer in “dialogue” and ecumenism. The World Council of Churches boasts that it is “the most nearly comprehensive instrument in the ecumenical movement in the world today.”

From the book: The Revelations Of The Holy Face Of Jesus by John Vennari